The Kentucky Derby is a dumb event where dumb famous people gather to wear dumb hats and look at dumb horses. It doesn’t hold a candle to the Kentucky Derby for Unicorns AKA the Unicorn on the Cob Starfruit Gatorade Sunshine Butt Hotel Dove Moonbeam Squirrel Flower Hippie Shimmer Shimmer Glitter-Soup Unicorn DERBY.
So why am I mentioning the “Unicorn on the Cob Starfruit Gatorade Sunshine Butt Hotel Dove Moonbeam Squirrel Flower Hippie Shimmer Shimmer Glitter Soup Unicorn DERBY?” It just so happens that the winner of last years derby is pictured above. Yes indeed. Her name is Jessica, but her human insists on calling her “Bubble Gum Dancer,” because humans rarely ask their animal friends what their names are. It’s quite rude, and then they’re surprised when they don’t answer!
Look at Jessica’s ankles and knee joints. Just look at them. Are you looking at them? They’re GLORIOUS! I know that the ankles are a little hard to see because of the glistening fog, but even through the haze, it is obvious how beautiful and sturdy they are. Mr Unicorn God knew what he was doing when he made unicorn legs. I only wish Unicorn Giraffes were a thing so I could have even more legs to look at.
Congratulations Jessica, on your big derby win. Fantastic tail hair, I love that it comes out of the perfect part of your butt. Not too high. Not too low. Lovely face skin. 10 stars.
Finally, a non biased review of Unicorn Images!
2 months ago · 16 notes · Source